Series: The Princess Diaries #11
Genres: Contemporary, Contemporary Romance
Published by Harper Collins, William Marrow Publication Date: June 2, 2015
Pages: 400
Buy on Amazon | Barnes and Noble | Bookshop.org
Find on: Goodreads
From the #1 New York Times bestselling author of the Princess Diaries series, comes the very first adult installment, which follows Princess Mia and her Prince Charming as they plan their fairy tale wedding--but a few poisoned apples could turn this happily-ever-after into a royal nightmare.
For Princess Mia, the past five years since college graduation have been a whirlwind of activity, what with living in New York City, running her new teen community center, being madly in love, and attending royal engagements. And speaking of engagements. Mia's gorgeous longtime boyfriend Michael managed to clear both their schedules just long enough for an exotic (and very private) Caribbean island interlude where he popped the question! Of course Mia didn't need to consult her diary to know that her answer was a royal oui.
But now Mia has a scandal of majestic proportions to contend with: Her grandmother's leaked "fake" wedding plans to the press that could cause even normally calm Michael to become a runaway groom. Worse, a scheming politico is trying to force Mia's father from the throne, all because of a royal secret that could leave Genovia without a monarch. Can Mia prove to everyone--especially herself--that she's not only ready to wed, but ready to rule as well?
I haven’t read a Princess Diaries book in a while, so I was excited to see what was up with Mia, Michael and the rest of the Genovia royal family. Β The book was entertaining and I enjoyed seeing Mia and Michael together, as well as some of the laugh out loud moments. Β But I think as I’ve gotten older, some of the zaniness doesn’t appeal like it used to.
In ROYAL WEDDING, we find Mia ensconced at the Genovia Consulate weathering the storm from her father’s Prime Minister race and his unfortunate idea of racing an Indy car in NYC. Β So while she’s there, she monitors her royal rating, reads gossip rags speculating on why Michael hasn’t proposed and tries to figure out how to work from home when going into the office doesn’t work.
In typical Meg Cabot fashion, Mia gets herself in all sort of trouble through misunderstanding or just plan poking her nose where she was asked not to. Β It’s not that Mia was purposefully trying to cause any issues, but more that she doesn’t think things through when she gets an idea into her head. Β This is where the older me tends to lose interest with Mia. Β I want her to think before she leaps. Β Even if that leap works out for her in the end.
ROYAL WEDDING was an enjoyable read and it was easy to lose myself in it for a few hours. Β Meg Cabot is always good for some laughs and ROYAL WEDDING definitely will provide you with a few.
2:37PM, Tuesday, April 28Β
Third Floor Apartment
Consulate General of Genovia
New York CityΒ
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β I donβt know whatβs happening to me. I lie when I should tell the truth, and tell the truth when I should lie.
Like half an hour ago, when Dr. Goldberg, the newly appointed βroyal physician,β was here, and asked if Iβve been under any βunusualβ stress lately.
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β I laughed and said, βGosh, no, Doctor, none that I canβt think of.β
You would think Dr. Goldberg might have noticed the hordes of paparazzi gathered outside the consulate doors when he came in.Β
But no.Β
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Instead, he said I shouldnβt be concerned about the fact that my left eyelid has been twitching pretty much nonstop for the past week, which is why I asked for an appointment in the first place.
According to Dr. Goldberg, this sort of thing βhappens all the time, and is not at all indicative of a brain tumor or stroke.βΒ
Then he suggested I stop putting my symptoms into iTriage, and instead get βplenty of sleep and exercise.βΒ Oh, and I might try eating healthier.
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Sleep?Β Exercise? Who has time to sleep or exercise?Β And how am I supposed to eat healthier when Iβm literally trapped by the press inside the Genovian consulate and can only order food from places that deliver near the United Nations (which are basically steak houses, Chinese, or gyros)?
It wasnβt until he was packing up his medical equipment that I realized Dr. Goldberg was immune to sarcasm and really intended to leave without writing me a prescription.
So I said, βThe truth is, Doctor, I have been feeling a little stressed. You might have heard about my recent family difficulties which have led to . . .β
I pointed meaningfully out the window to the throng of paparazzi waiting below. Dominique, the director of Royal Genovian Press Relations and Marketing, says if we donβt encourage them they will go awayβlike stray cats are supposed to, if you donβt feed themβbut this isnβt true. Iβve never fed the press, and they still wonβt go away.
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β βOh, yes, yes, yes,β Dr. Goldberg said, seeming to realize things were a little out of the ordinaryβlike the fact that he was visiting me in the consulate instead of seeing him in his office hadnβt given it away. βOf course! But your father is doing very well, isnβt he?Β All the reports Iβve heard say that heβll most likely be given a slap on the wrist, and then heβll be able to return to Genovia.Β The press seem to find his little mishap with the law quite amusing.β
Little mishap with the law!Β Thanks to my fatherβs decision to take a midnight jaunt down the West Side Highway in his brand new racecar, Count Ivan Renaldo, Dadβs opponent for prime minister, is ahead five points in the polls.Β If the count wins, Genovia will be transformed from a charming medieval-walled microstate on the French Riviera to something that looks more like Main Street USA in Disneyland, with everyone strolling around in T-shirts that say, Who Farted?, eating giant turkey legs.
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β βOh, Dadβs doing great!β I made the huge mistake of lying (I realize now).Β This is what weβre supposed to tell the extended family and the media.Β It is not the truth.Β Royals are never supposed to tell the truth.Β It isnβt done.
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Itβs for this reason that I think Iβm losing my grip on my sanity and can no longer tell the difference anymore between whatβs real and whatβs a faΓ§ade for the sake of the media (iTriage says this is called disassociation and is generally used as a coping mechanism to manage stress).
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β βWonderful!β Dr. Goldberg cried. βAnd things are going well between you andβwhat is the young manβs name?β
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β I swear Dr. Goldberg must be the only person in the entire Western Hemisphere who doesnβt know Michaelβs name.
Is Michael Moscovitz the worldβs greatest lover? βYES!β says sex-mad Princess Mia, declares the cover of this weekβs InTouch.
Michaelβs dad thought this was so hilarious, he bought dozens of copies to give to his friends and even his patients.Β Michael has asked him to stop, but his dad wonβt listen.Β
βYou really expect me not to buy this?β Dr. Moscovitz asked.Β βMy son is the worldβs greatest lover!Β It says so right here.Β Of course Iβm going to buy this!β
This could be the reason for my twitch.
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β βMichael,β I said to Dr. Goldberg.Β βMichael Moscovitz. And yes, everythingβs fine between us.β
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Except of course since Iβm being held a prisoner in my current home by the papsβI had to move out of my old apartment last year on account of my stalker, who calls himself RoyalRabbleRouser and likes to say heβs going to βdestroyβ me.Β The consulate is the only building in Manhattan guarded 24/7 by military police specially trained in the protection of a royalβMichael and I hardly ever get to see one another.
And then when we do, we mostly just lay around and watch movies on Netflix,Β because leaving the consulate is such a pain, unless I want to hear all sorts of horrible questions hurled at me on my way to the car:
βMia, is that a baby bump or did you just have too much of that falafel we saw delivered an hour ago?β
βMia, how does it feel to know Kate Middleton wore it better?β
βMia, did you tell your dad not to bend over in the showers?β
βMia, why hasnβt Michael put a ring on it?β
I tried to show Michael my twitch earlier on Facetime, but he said my eye looked perfectly normal to him.
βIf youβre twitchy, though, Mia, itβs probably in nervous anticipation at the prospect of going out with me, the worldβs greatest lover.β
βI thought we agreed we werenβt going to read our own press,β I reminded him.
βHow can I help it?β he asked. βEspecially since my erotic powers seemingly extend all the way to the Upper East Side, where theyβve rendered you sex mad.β
βHa, ha, ha. You probably planted that story yourself.βΒ
βYouβve grown so jaded and cynical since I last saw you.Β But really, Mia,β he said, finally getting serious.Β βI think youβre just stressing too much about all of this.Β Iβm not saying things arenβt badβthey are. But maybe all you need is to get away for a day or two.β
βAway? How am I possibly going to get away?Β And where am I going to go that the press canβt follow me and ask about my alleged baby bump or how my dad looks in his orange jumpsuit?β
βGood question. Let me work on it.β
I know heβs just trying to help, but really, the idea of getting away with Dad in so much trouble and the country in such an uproar and the election so close and Mom being a new widow and GrandmΓ¨reβoh, GrandmΓ¨re!βas crazy as ever?Β
Plus my boyfriend having rendered me sex mad, of course.Β
No.Β Just no.
But of course I couldnβt tell Dr. Goldberg any of this.Β Itβs like my lips have been frozen into a permanent smile by all my media training (and compartmentalizing of my feelings).
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β βWell, thatβs fine then,β the doctor said, beaming.
Fine?Β Itβs so not fine. Was it really so wrong of me to think that maybe, possibly, the palace physician might give me a little something to keep my eyelid from jumping around like a Chihuahua at dinnertime, or at least help me not lie awake all night?
And then when I do manage to fall asleep I have nightmares, like the one I had last night that I was married to Bruce Willis, and whenever Bruce would get out of the shower, he would dry off his penis while singing the song βChitty Chitty Bang Bang.β
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β I canβt even tell Michael this.Β How do you explain it to the kindly old physician they found who is still willing to do house calls?
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β You cannot.
βIβll make sure the lab gets the blood and urine samples you insisted, Your Highness,β Dr. Goldberg said. βI should have the results in about a week.Β But I have to say that medically, I doubt theyβll find anything wrong. Your pulse is strong, your skin tone looks even, your weight within the normal range for your height. Despite this twitch you say you haveβwhich frankly I canβt seeβand your fingernails, which I see that you bite, you seem to be glowing with health.β
Damn! He would notice my fingernails.Β I must be the only female left on the entire planet who doesnβt get manicures because thereβs nothing left of my fingernails to file, let alone paint.
βMaybe,β I said, trying to keep the eagerness out of my voice so I wouldnβt sound like one of those crazed oxy-addicts on the now sadly cancelled Intervention, βI should be written a prescription for a very mild mood stabilizer.β
βOh, no,β Dr. Goldberg said.Β βNail-biting is a bad habit, but very common, and hardly worth treating psychopharmacologically.Β The worst that could happen from compulsive nail-biting is that you might incur an infection, or pick up a pin worm.β
Oh my God. I am never biting my nails again. At least not before thoroughly washing them in antibacterial soap.
βWhat I suggest you try,β he added, as he packed up his bag, βis journaling.β
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β βJournaling?βΒ Was he joking?
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β He was not.
βWhy yes, I see youβve heard of it. Journaling has been shown to reduces stress, and help with problem solving.Β My wife keeps what she calls a gratitude journal.Β She writes down three things every day for which she feels grateful, and keeps a dream journal, as well.Β She says itβs helped tremendously, especially with her mood swings.Β You should try it. Well, Iβll be in touch in about a week about that blood work.Β Good day, Princess!β
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β And then he left.
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Which leaves me here. Β Journaling.
Why couldnβt I have lied to make myself seem more pathetic so heβd have written me a prescription for an anti-anxiety medication, or at least a low dose sleeping pill?Β Even the veterinarian does this for Fat Louis when I take him on the private jet back and forth to Genovia, and Fat Louis is a cat.Β Why does a cat get tranquilizers but the expensive concierge doctor we hired will not give them to me?Β
Of course if Fat Louis doesnβt take them, he revenge poops on everything, which is extremely problematic, especially when going through security (not that we have to do this because when you fly private they assume you arenβt going to blow up your own plane and donβt X-ray you or your baggage, which makes no sense. You would think by now that radical terror groups would have caught on to this and bought their own Lear jets, but apparently not).Β
But sometimes they still spot check you, even if youβre royalty, and itβs quite embarrassing to have the cat youβre holding firing tiny brown missiles at the poor TSA workers as youβre going through the body scanner.
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β But honestly, if a cat can have pills that turn him into a sweet, mellow travel companion who doesnβt shit everywhere, why canβt I?
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Oh, dear, I just read that over.Β Iβm not shitting everywhere, obviously. I just wouldnβt mind feeling a bit more mellow and getting some Bruce-Willis-free sleep once in a while.
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β I suppose itβs typical of my luck that we have the one concierge doctor in all of Manhattan who refuses to prescribe anti-anxiety medication.Β Iβm sure every other celebrity (and royal) is loaded up on them.Β
This would explain a lot about their behavior, actually.
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β But if βgratitudeβ and βdreamβ journaling really does help with stress, Iβm willing to give it a go.Β
At this point, Iβll try anything.Β
Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Letβs see.Β I already wrote down what I dreamed about.Β Here are three things for which I feel grateful:
Β
I donβt have a brain tumor.
Β
My father didnβt die in that racecar incident.Β Though given how reckless it was of him to have been in it in the first place, he probably deserved to.
Β
Michael, the most understanding, handsome, witty, and forgiving boyfriend in the entire world (even if every once in a while lately Iβve noticed thereβs something going on with his eyes, too.Β Not a twitch.Β More like something brewing in there.Β If I still wrote historical romance novelsβwhich I had to give up, because I do not have the time for all that research what with all my public speaking and running the centerβI would describe it as a βhaunted shadow.β)
Β
I know itβs selfish, but I hope to God if thereβs anything off with him, itβs because heβs passing another kidney stone, like the one he had last Mayβeven though he said it was the most painful thing heβd ever experienced in his lifeβand not because heβs thinking about breaking up with me. Iβm sure heβd like to experience a normal relationship with a girl who can casually leave work on a Friday night to meet for drinks at a bar without first having to have it checked for bombs or be escorted by bodyguards or followed by a phalanx of photo-hungry press.Β
Β
But I love Michael and I will seriously lose my shit if he dumps me.
Shannon
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