I opened the nightstand and found the toy I had ordered online. A guy I knew from one of the comic forums I belonged to swore by this toy. All right, maybe we talked about all types of things and not just comics on this particular forum. One time there might have been a discussion about which character we would bang and it sort of went off the cliff from there. My choice would be Superman because I have a dream of being plowed while flying at the same time. My second choice would be Spiderman, because I would be curious as to what he could do with all that webbing. Maybe a little Spidey BDSM play?

The toy which sat in my hand was called The Jackhammer. The tag line on the construction-yellow box read, Giving you a Hand at Jacking Off. The man pictured on the box was wearing a hard hat with only the Jackhammer covering his essential parts. His face was contorted into orgasmic pleasure.

I opened the box and pulled out a plastic object that was about ten inches long. The toy was bright, school bus yellow, with one wide end that narrowed towards the bottom, giving it the illusion of a jackhammer. The fuller end was covered in a clear, soft silicone, with a hole in the middle, which I assumed is where your dick was supposed to go. I threw the box on the floor and lay down on my bed, propping a pillow under my head and making myself comfortable.

With vigorous excitement, I grabbed my stiff dick again and slipped the Jackhammer over the crown, slowly bringing it down the shaft. It felt comfortable and effortless as I wiggled it down until it hit the base. Inside of the toy, the ridges of the silicone made my already sensitive dick want to explode.

My eyes rolled into the back of my head as I pulled the toy painstakingly back up the shaft. I moaned and fisted my hand around the outside, so I could get a good grip on the toy to move it up and down. I looked down to see my shaft appear and then disappear again, the ridged edges inside rubbed against my skin, blessing me with exquisite pleasure.

I closed my eyes and brought myself back to the hypothetical frat house. Kaleb’s throbbing cock jutted out in front of me, waiting for me to take it into my watering mouth. The other brothers surround us, pulling out their own cocks to stroke while they looked upon Kaleb and I. Kaleb grabbed the base of his cock, clutched a handful of my hair and said, “open up.”  Of course, I did, because I wasn’t going to deny Fantasy Kaleb. I let him fuck my mouth as I took him all the way down my throat. In this make believe world I had no gag reflex and some pretty mad oral skills.

I pulled the Jackhammer faster along my length as I started to feel the familiar sensation of an orgasm settling at the base of my spine. My balls drew upwards and I knew that I was going to blow my load any minute. I moved the toy faster, its suction tightening around me.

Then it happened. Pain. A pain like none I had ever known, almost paralyzing my body. My eyes flew open and a shriek erupted out of my mouth like a coyote being attacked by a T-rex. I lifted my head, almost afraid to look down, and tried to move the toy slightly, but was unable to, pain searing from the tip of my dick, down the shaft, and into my groin.

Holy mother-fucking douche mongers.

My heart flipped from racing with pleasure to running in fear. I started to panic while I tried again to delicately remove the toy. After several failed attempts I knew I was screwed. With precise, delicate movements, I sat up on the bed, reached to the floor and grab the box the toy came in. I examined it and searched if there was a secret release to get this fucker off. I flipped the box over, scanning the words until I saw some directions I failed to read.

Must use lubricant inside silicone to avoid rupture.

Rupture of what? My dick? Holy shit, I had a ruptured dick! I don’t want to walk around having my dick split in half. What would that mean if I had to pee? Would it go into two different streams? Do people understand how hard it is to point and aim one stream? Now I’ll have two to worry about? What about sex? Will I stick one-half of my dick inside someone while jerking the other side off? Oh, the humanity!